Response to "Spanish Moss" by Ethan Hightower

"Spanish Moss" is the story of three friends in the summer before high school who think they won't be respectable high school men if they've never smoked pot before. They go to the creek, expecting to come back more mature for the experience, but they see something they weren't expecting. There's a dead child's body in a bag and the sight changes them and their friendship for the rest of their lives.
      I thought you did a good job of capturing the voice of a kid that age. Especially the awkward naivety about the marijuana and that whole situation. Also just the skewed perspective on everything at the beginning that makes things seem more important than they are.
      The big conflict in the story seems to be the unexpected conflict from them seeing the bag and the hand. But their reactions to it are basically summarized after they leave the creek. I think some of that needs to be dramatized.

Response to "As Big as Light" by Robert Elrod

The story starts with Dean Overstreet, who is an old man tryin g to remember his life's story by writing it down. He worked as a servant for the Huxley family and formed a bond with their son Adrian. Dean recalls a night when he had a conversation with Adrian and calls the memory his one grace in life. Adrian and his father had been fighting about what Adrian was to do with his life, and Adrian was thinking about suicide. The scene seems to show Adrian's transition from boyhood to manhood, and Dean is humbly grateful to have been a part of it.
      I really like the characters you've created, especially Dean and Adrian. Adrian's reminiscence on the front lawn was well imagined and seemed real. I also liked the dynamic between these two characters. Adrian was in charge by default even though Dean is older, but Adrian is smart enough to show Dean the respect he deserves.
      I'm not sure what the framework at the beginning is doing at the end of the story. We get the setup of Dean being old and starting to lose his memory, that's why he's recalling this particular story, but other than that it doesn't do much for the story as a whole. It seems like just a means by which to get the story started, and if that's all it is then I'm not sure it's necessary. I like it though, and if it was used in the story more I think it should stay.

Response to "A Dream" by J.J. Nelson

This is a story about Gabriel who is struggling to adjust to his new life at Columbia. His social life revolves around marijuana and he is very insecure and self-conscious and sexually frustrated. He has nightmares when he sleeps and he can't stop worrying when he's awake. In the end, he has a dream that inspires him to start writing for his classes, thereby becoming more productive and presumably more confident and secure.
      I really like the way you get inside the character's head. His thoughts always seemed convincing and realistic. The paranoid train of thought when he was high at Win's was right on the money. I thought that party was hilarious just because of how real it was. I like the complex back story that the character has. Even though we as readers don't really understand all of it, we get that he has some complicated history and that it is affecting his life in a very real way.
      An issue I had was distinguishing between the girl in his dreams and Tori, the real life girl. It's apparent that he has mixed feelings about Tori and that he is stuck in the friend zone with her no matter what he may decide, but putting the scene where they get high right up against his next dream and only describing the voice in the dream as girlish automatically connected the two in my head. I know that the dream girl isn't supposed to be Tori, or at least I don't think she is, but it was a confusing transition at first.

Response to "Dreams and Reality" by Lauren Barkley

This is the story of Luke, a boy from Minnesota who has dreams of playing baseball at Ole Miss and getting a law degree there. His father doesn't approve of his dreams because he thinks Luke needs to stay to take over the family dairy farm. Luke saves his allowance and catches a flight to Mississippi to go to the baseball tryouts. He blows the tryout and goes back home. When he gets there, his father surprises him with some money and his support. In the end it seems that Luke will try to go after his dreams again.
      I really liked the character Luke in the story. He's good at sports and he's got high hopes for his life but he doesn't seem conceited or full of himself. I liked the detail about his glove and his hat being all he had on the plane. It made his isolation at that moment feel very real. I liked also that his father actually changes his mind for the better just as Luke has changed his mind for the worse. It makes for an interesting conflict.
      What I think can be improved is the scene of the baseball tryouts. I wanted to see more struggle and conflict there. Right now it seems like he makes a few mistakes and just gives up. That doesn't seem realistic for how important his dream is. Maybe the coaches belittle him or make fun of him behind his back. That would be interesting and would really crush his hopes and make him want to go back home.

Response to "Casting Shadows" by Jeremy Hare

This is the story of Itami, a girl who died in a house fire, and her experience in the afterlife. She rebels against the powers that be and tries to reclaim her capacity to choose her own route in life (or the afterlife).
      I think that the core concern that Itami has, to choose her destiny, is a good one that many people can identify with. That said, I think that it could be woven into the story more. The first time it's talked about was great but then it kind of trails off in the rest of the story.
      I noticed some tense shifts in the narration while I was reading that made for a little confusion. There were also some points in the dialogue that sounded like they were meant to be narration. I will try to mark them all on my copy. The biggest problem I noticed was at the end, though. Itami says that Kage's sword doesn't pierce her at first, but then we find out it actually did. That was a little confusing

Response to "Cats" by Rhamah Norris

This is a story about a person who works at a cat shelter and a cat there named Lily who is always passed over because she has one eye. When Lily's chance finally comes to be adopted for real, she unexpectedly blows it by scratching the kid who had his fingers in her cage.
      I really liked the descriptions in this story. The setting and the people and animals are all really well imagined and described. The description of the room by all three dimensions went well with the talk of cages, to where the room itself was like a cage for a moment. The well-pressed woman in her well-pressed home was vivid, and the descriptions told us a lot about her and her family's character as well.
      I'd like to see more interaction with Lily at the end. Does she become mean all of the sudden? Will she be mean to her caretakers now? Or does she just not want to be adopted at all? It is an interesting story, and I think those questions being answered would help it.

Response to "Perfect" by Laurel Kostakis

This is a story about a girl in college who is trying to revamp her image and be cooler than she was in high school. She is very sure of herself, but she doesn't see herself for who she really is. In the end, her rejection by the boys from a neighboring apartment forces her to reevaluate herself and reconnect with her old self and her old high school friend.
      I really liked the voice in this story. It was very believable. The things she says seem very realistic even if we don't trust them. Lines like "twerp friends" really show us a lot about the character. We get the picture of a girl who is self-deluded and over-confident. It's funny and entertaining to read and it's nice how we can see her the way other people see her while still hearing her voice. This unreliable narrator works well.
      At the beginning the setting wasn't really established and it was confusing at first. Things get more concrete on page 2. On page 5 I started to think something funny was up with her appearance that she didn't know about. That could be an interesting way to take the story. As it is now, I don't know that the passive rejection she suffers from the guys is enough to change her mind so drastically and so quickly. There needs to be a more devastating rejection to awaken her, I think.