Response to "Dreams" by Jeremy Hare

This story was about a boy named Sora who is asleep in the Karate Club. A girl named Hikari finds him asleep as she is trying to leave and wakes him up. They then have a conversation where Hikari learns that Sora is the boy who always challenges the captain to spar at practice. Sora always loses and Hikari wonders why he continues to challenge the captain. Sora explains that he was once bullied in school and that the captain helped him out. He wanted the captain to teach him to be stronger so he wouldn't have to depend on other people to save him. The captain eventually agreed to help Sora if Sora could beat him in a sparring match. The story ends the next day at practice when Sora and the captain, Ryu, are about to spar.
      I think what is working the best is the storyline. Both characters want something at the beginning--Hikari wants to get home, Sora wants to sleep--but that changes through the story. We eventually find out that Sora really wants to be strong enough to beat the captain, and Hikari stops worrying so much about going home as she becomes more interested in Sora's story. Another thing that I think is working is the inherent irony behind the story. The irony is that Sora is trying to be strong enough to beat Ryu so that Ryu will teach him how to be strong. In essence, Ryu is already doing what Sora wants him to do.
      I think the point of view might be adjusted a bit to work better. As it is, we have a limited third person narrator that sees into Hikari's thoughts but no one else. However, I think the story is really about Sora, so the focus on Hikari is misplaced. Also, there are a couple places where the dialogue seems stiff and unnatural. For example, "What sense does that make?" on page 4. Finally, I think that the story is interesting and the conflict is intriguing, but it could be explored in more depth. Right now, the treatment of it seems superficial.
      Overall, I think the story is well written and interesting but could be improved by some thoughtful revisions.

Dropping Eaves in the Student Center (dialogue exercise)

[disclaimer: I obviously started listening in the middle of a discussion. I have no idea what they're talking about here at the beginning.]

GIRL- That smells so good.

GUY  It's very good. There's apples and... [inaudible]... french toast.

-Okay, this asks for your sex.

What?

-Gender is different from sex.

Oh...

-The next whole test is gonna be over this stuff. I think I'm gonna get something to eat before my next class.

When is it?

-9:30. I was late last time and he saw me walk in... I don't really want anything here though. I feel like I eat at the same places all the time.

Here you can have this.

-Thanks. So I saw Dr. H. yesterday.

Oh I saw her, too!

RED CROSS LADY: Hey, y'all, come see us today, we're on the second floor!

BOTH: Oh, okay, thanks.

GIRL- [inaudible]

GUY  The Red Cross saves lives.

-I can't donate blood because my iron is too low.

You should take some vitamins or something.

-I've been trying to eat better and workout.

Yeah. Sometimes when I burn more calories I eat more calories.

-I've been trying to eat the right stuff, I'm hungry all the time though.

You gotta eat something that's more filling.

-Well, like fiber and stuff is really filling. I mostly just eat a lot of fruits and vegetables though.

Are you trying to lose weight or something?

-Yeah, I've dropped like six pounds.

I've dropped three or four just working out.

-The thing about that is you can workout all you want, but if you don't eat right, it doesn't do any good

[Then I had to go to class.]

Response to "1-900" by Richard Bausch

This story departs from a traditionally storytelling structure in that it is entirely dialogue. There isn't a narrator to give us a setting or a backstory. Anything we know we know through the conversation. This could come across as forced and unnatural, but I don't think it ever does. Bausch manages to give us a lot of depth to the characters just through their conversation.
The story is told from the third person objective point of view, but even that is limited. As I said before, we don't really have a narrator. Even a third person objective narrator would give us a setting, character descriptions, etc. All we have is what the two characters say to each other. The story gets away without even having any dialogue tags because we understand that every paragraph represents the other person speaking. Any pauses in conversation are represented by ellipses.
With this point of view, it is the setup of the story itself that allows us to have so much detail. Since Marilyn/Sharon is just getting to know John, and vice versa, we get the important details about their lives, especially John's. And, as I already said, this high level of detail doesn't ever really feel unnatural.
I think this story serves as a great example of how to write dialogue. Sometimes dialogue comes across as too wordy and unnatural and doesn't seem real. Bausch's story seems very real to the point that we forget that we're reading a story. If I could write dialogue as natural and as real as Bausch does then I would be very happy.

Response to "Emergency" by Denis Johnson

While reading this story, I couldn't help but be reminded of Hunter S. Thompson. The drugs, the surreal imagery, and the unpredictable characters all helped make that connection. If I was to sum up this story in one word it would be unexpected. I think that's a great thing for a piece of writing. It means that it isn't cliché in the least. It means that the writing is never boring. I never for a moment asked myself why I was reading this story: I was too caught up in it to care.
Another great aspect of the story was the imagery.  Both the images themselves and the language used to describe them are captivating. My favorite surreal image was that of the angels descending over the graveyard. Only they weren't angels. And it wasn't a graveyard. That's the fantastic thing about it--they don't have to be real. We can't really trust our narrator, but it doesn't matter. He gives us his own version of reality. I think it's entertaining.
It's not just the narrator we can't trust, though. For my part, I wouldn't trust Georgie. But, the way Johnson has written him, I like him. Both of the characters seem very likable despite their dangerous antics.
As far as lessons for my own writing go, I think there are many things to take away. Johnson is an expert at manipulating the tension and keeping us on the edge of our seats. He's an expert at getting a reaction out of us--when Georgie came in from prepping with the knife in his hand I actually gasped. I guess my main takeaway would be just keep it interesting. Don't let the readers get complacent and bored. Keep them guessing. Keep them entertained. As always, that's easier said than done.

Sitcom (Short-Short Exercise)

The sun was falling behind the line of trees in the west when Dad came inside and took his boots off.  I laid down my book down on the couch and got up to turn on the light. Dad came into the living room and sat down in the chair with a sigh. He kicked up his feet then reached for the remote and turned on the TV. I went back to reading. He looked at me then back at the TV. I saw him look but I kept reading. The sitcom audience laughed from the TV. When the commercials came he spoke. He asked about my day and I asked about his. The show came back on and he went back to watching it. I found my place in my book. When the commercials came back Dad asked about Mom. The question was harmless. A simple inquiry. It made me angry. I slammed my book on the couch. Dad sat up and put his feet on the floor. Our voices raised to drown out the television’s laughter. Volume never turned down. I stood up and he stood up. We both shouted and flung our arms in the air. I called him an unsympathetic asshole. He didn’t call me anything. I grabbed my book and my coat and stormed out to my car. Dad watched me spin rocks out of the driveway. As my tires squealed onto the highway he sat down and grabbed the remote. Then he turned the TV off.

Response to "Television" by Lydia Davis

I don't think this short story so much tells a story (in the traditional, narrative sense) as it shows us a characterization.  Outside of the narrator there really aren't any other characters.  The narrator's mother and husband are mentioned but we are given virtually no details about them.  In fact, the only people that are named and detailed are characters and actors on television.  The effect this has is a sense of alienation and disenchantment.  It creates the feeling that the only things important and worth focusing on can be found on TV, between the commercial breaks.
I think, in a way, that the point of view Davis uses makes the story into a sort of commentary on modern life.  Not necessarily the way it is, or the way it has to be, but the way it feels sometimes.  As she says, "It is not what you want to be doing.  It is that you are passing the time."  The story becomes a story about finding a deeper meaning in such a superficial world, albiet in a roundabout way.

Departing from the style of the writing to take a look at the structure, the main thing to notice is that the story is divided into three numbered sections.  In section 1 she talks about television in general and our relationship with it.  In 2 she talks about certain shows in particular.  And in section 3 she discusses movies and our relationship to them.  I think the sections are basically variations on a theme--looking at the issue from multiple points of view.
Another note about the structure is to look at the breaks between the paragraphs.  In sections 1 and 3 the paragraphs are single spaced, signifying that the sections each present a coherent narrative.  In section 2, however, the spaces between most paragraphs are doubled, showing a disconnect--a series of unrelated observations almost.  I think section 2 does an especially good job of creating a mood because it really feels like you are flipping mindlessly through the channels as you are reading.