This is a story about a person who works at a cat shelter and a cat there named Lily who is always passed over because she has one eye. When Lily's chance finally comes to be adopted for real, she unexpectedly blows it by scratching the kid who had his fingers in her cage.
I really liked the descriptions in this story. The setting and the people and animals are all really well imagined and described. The description of the room by all three dimensions went well with the talk of cages, to where the room itself was like a cage for a moment. The well-pressed woman in her well-pressed home was vivid, and the descriptions told us a lot about her and her family's character as well.
I'd like to see more interaction with Lily at the end. Does she become mean all of the sudden? Will she be mean to her caretakers now? Or does she just not want to be adopted at all? It is an interesting story, and I think those questions being answered would help it.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Response to "Perfect" by Laurel Kostakis
This is a story about a girl in college who is trying to revamp her image and be cooler than she was in high school. She is very sure of herself, but she doesn't see herself for who she really is. In the end, her rejection by the boys from a neighboring apartment forces her to reevaluate herself and reconnect with her old self and her old high school friend.
I really liked the voice in this story. It was very believable. The things she says seem very realistic even if we don't trust them. Lines like "twerp friends" really show us a lot about the character. We get the picture of a girl who is self-deluded and over-confident. It's funny and entertaining to read and it's nice how we can see her the way other people see her while still hearing her voice. This unreliable narrator works well.
At the beginning the setting wasn't really established and it was confusing at first. Things get more concrete on page 2. On page 5 I started to think something funny was up with her appearance that she didn't know about. That could be an interesting way to take the story. As it is now, I don't know that the passive rejection she suffers from the guys is enough to change her mind so drastically and so quickly. There needs to be a more devastating rejection to awaken her, I think.
I really liked the voice in this story. It was very believable. The things she says seem very realistic even if we don't trust them. Lines like "twerp friends" really show us a lot about the character. We get the picture of a girl who is self-deluded and over-confident. It's funny and entertaining to read and it's nice how we can see her the way other people see her while still hearing her voice. This unreliable narrator works well.
At the beginning the setting wasn't really established and it was confusing at first. Things get more concrete on page 2. On page 5 I started to think something funny was up with her appearance that she didn't know about. That could be an interesting way to take the story. As it is now, I don't know that the passive rejection she suffers from the guys is enough to change her mind so drastically and so quickly. There needs to be a more devastating rejection to awaken her, I think.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Response to "For the Love of the Game" by Jessica Mullino
This was the story of Lindsey's quest to see her father in person. She has never met him, but he plays baseball and she watches him on TV all the time. She sneaks out to see him play at Wrigley field without telling her mother, but her mother finds out and contacts her father behind her back. She is heartbroken that she came so close to meeting him, but then finds a note from him on her car that says they will meet soon.
There is a lot about this story that I thought was working well. The descriptions of the baseball game at the beginning are really fantastic. They put you right there on the field with Joel. The hole in the cleat, wiping the sweat off his forehead, just all of it is very real. And the story itself really works for me. It was good and kept me interested throughout. With a few minor details cleared up this could be a great story.
One thing that needs cleared up is that we have to wait too long to meet the narrator. This is confusing for the reader on those first few pages. Another is that it needs to be clear that the baseball scene we're seeing is the old Mississippi State one and not a present day Cubs one. Things like that kept me guessing as I read and distracted me from the real story, which is quite good on its own. One final detail is just where they live. Apparently Lindsey and her mother live in Chicago. But I thought her mother knew Joel back when he played for Mississippi State since he left to play in the majors. How they both ended up in Chicago after they split up needs to be clarified.
There is a lot about this story that I thought was working well. The descriptions of the baseball game at the beginning are really fantastic. They put you right there on the field with Joel. The hole in the cleat, wiping the sweat off his forehead, just all of it is very real. And the story itself really works for me. It was good and kept me interested throughout. With a few minor details cleared up this could be a great story.
One thing that needs cleared up is that we have to wait too long to meet the narrator. This is confusing for the reader on those first few pages. Another is that it needs to be clear that the baseball scene we're seeing is the old Mississippi State one and not a present day Cubs one. Things like that kept me guessing as I read and distracted me from the real story, which is quite good on its own. One final detail is just where they live. Apparently Lindsey and her mother live in Chicago. But I thought her mother knew Joel back when he played for Mississippi State since he left to play in the majors. How they both ended up in Chicago after they split up needs to be clarified.
Response to "Losing Sincerity" by Taylor Hardy
This was a story about Brad who is a supervisor at a venue of some sort, and who is struggling with his managerial duties during a sorority social that is overbooked. He is also struggling to establish the dynamics of his newly started relationship with Alyson, who works for him but who is his same age. Most of the tension in the story arises from the overbooked event, but there are also some tense moments between Alyson and Brad.
I thought the characters in the story were what worked the best. They seemed real and genuine and all of them seemed interesting. The dialogue was at its best when it allowed the characters to shine through. Like the funny line when Connor says, "Well, when it has a stripper theme, I will be your man." and other lines like that. It wasn't just the characters, but also the way they're described. Stephen Sovino (awesome name) was "a foul-mouthed bartender from California", the girl who planned the event looked like she was "attending a [Grateful Dead] show", and the attendees are described as "Jerry Garcia and Widespread Panic fans". These descriptions seem real, they're funny, and they say a lot without saying a lot.
One of the issues that needs improvement is just the relationship the story has with time. There are a lot of tense shifts from past to present and back. Another one is that I think the story is intended to be more about the relationship between Alyson and Brad and how they each view that relationship, but it ends up being more about the party and how Brad deals with it. Which is fine, and that could be and is an interesting story, but I don't think it's all that this story was supposed to be. I think a way to deal with this is to show us more interactions between Brad and Alyson at work. This would build up that tension. Maybe let the other workers find out about the relationship or suspect it and start asking awkward questions. And let all of this lead up to some sort of confrontation between Alyson and Brad. Some sort of ultimatum where they are each forced to make a decision about where their relationship is going to go.
I thought the characters in the story were what worked the best. They seemed real and genuine and all of them seemed interesting. The dialogue was at its best when it allowed the characters to shine through. Like the funny line when Connor says, "Well, when it has a stripper theme, I will be your man." and other lines like that. It wasn't just the characters, but also the way they're described. Stephen Sovino (awesome name) was "a foul-mouthed bartender from California", the girl who planned the event looked like she was "attending a [Grateful Dead] show", and the attendees are described as "Jerry Garcia and Widespread Panic fans". These descriptions seem real, they're funny, and they say a lot without saying a lot.
One of the issues that needs improvement is just the relationship the story has with time. There are a lot of tense shifts from past to present and back. Another one is that I think the story is intended to be more about the relationship between Alyson and Brad and how they each view that relationship, but it ends up being more about the party and how Brad deals with it. Which is fine, and that could be and is an interesting story, but I don't think it's all that this story was supposed to be. I think a way to deal with this is to show us more interactions between Brad and Alyson at work. This would build up that tension. Maybe let the other workers find out about the relationship or suspect it and start asking awkward questions. And let all of this lead up to some sort of confrontation between Alyson and Brad. Some sort of ultimatum where they are each forced to make a decision about where their relationship is going to go.
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