Response to "Losing Sincerity" by Taylor Hardy

This was a story about Brad who is a supervisor at a venue of some sort, and who is struggling with his managerial duties during a sorority social that is overbooked. He is also struggling to establish the dynamics of his newly started relationship with Alyson, who works for him but who is his same age. Most of the tension in the story arises from the overbooked event, but there are also some tense moments between Alyson and Brad.
      I thought the characters in the story were what worked the best. They seemed real and genuine and all of them seemed interesting. The dialogue was at its best when it allowed the characters to shine through. Like the funny line when Connor says, "Well, when it has a stripper theme, I will be your man." and other lines like that. It wasn't just the characters, but also the way they're described. Stephen Sovino (awesome name) was "a foul-mouthed bartender from California", the girl who planned the event looked like she was "attending a [Grateful Dead] show", and the attendees are described as "Jerry Garcia and Widespread Panic fans". These descriptions seem real, they're funny, and they say a lot without saying a lot.
      One of the issues that needs improvement is just the relationship the story has with time. There are a lot of tense shifts from past to present and back. Another one is that I think the story is intended to be more about the relationship between Alyson and Brad and how they each view that relationship, but it ends up being more about the party and how Brad deals with it. Which is fine, and that could be and is an interesting story, but I don't think it's all that this story was supposed to be. I think a way to deal with this is to show us more interactions between Brad and Alyson at work. This would build up that tension. Maybe let the other workers find out about the relationship or suspect it and start asking awkward questions. And let all of this lead up to some sort of confrontation between Alyson and Brad. Some sort of ultimatum where they are each forced to make a decision about where their relationship is going to go.