Response to "Spanish Moss" by Ethan Hightower

"Spanish Moss" is the story of three friends in the summer before high school who think they won't be respectable high school men if they've never smoked pot before. They go to the creek, expecting to come back more mature for the experience, but they see something they weren't expecting. There's a dead child's body in a bag and the sight changes them and their friendship for the rest of their lives.
      I thought you did a good job of capturing the voice of a kid that age. Especially the awkward naivety about the marijuana and that whole situation. Also just the skewed perspective on everything at the beginning that makes things seem more important than they are.
      The big conflict in the story seems to be the unexpected conflict from them seeing the bag and the hand. But their reactions to it are basically summarized after they leave the creek. I think some of that needs to be dramatized.

Response to "As Big as Light" by Robert Elrod

The story starts with Dean Overstreet, who is an old man tryin g to remember his life's story by writing it down. He worked as a servant for the Huxley family and formed a bond with their son Adrian. Dean recalls a night when he had a conversation with Adrian and calls the memory his one grace in life. Adrian and his father had been fighting about what Adrian was to do with his life, and Adrian was thinking about suicide. The scene seems to show Adrian's transition from boyhood to manhood, and Dean is humbly grateful to have been a part of it.
      I really like the characters you've created, especially Dean and Adrian. Adrian's reminiscence on the front lawn was well imagined and seemed real. I also liked the dynamic between these two characters. Adrian was in charge by default even though Dean is older, but Adrian is smart enough to show Dean the respect he deserves.
      I'm not sure what the framework at the beginning is doing at the end of the story. We get the setup of Dean being old and starting to lose his memory, that's why he's recalling this particular story, but other than that it doesn't do much for the story as a whole. It seems like just a means by which to get the story started, and if that's all it is then I'm not sure it's necessary. I like it though, and if it was used in the story more I think it should stay.

Response to "A Dream" by J.J. Nelson

This is a story about Gabriel who is struggling to adjust to his new life at Columbia. His social life revolves around marijuana and he is very insecure and self-conscious and sexually frustrated. He has nightmares when he sleeps and he can't stop worrying when he's awake. In the end, he has a dream that inspires him to start writing for his classes, thereby becoming more productive and presumably more confident and secure.
      I really like the way you get inside the character's head. His thoughts always seemed convincing and realistic. The paranoid train of thought when he was high at Win's was right on the money. I thought that party was hilarious just because of how real it was. I like the complex back story that the character has. Even though we as readers don't really understand all of it, we get that he has some complicated history and that it is affecting his life in a very real way.
      An issue I had was distinguishing between the girl in his dreams and Tori, the real life girl. It's apparent that he has mixed feelings about Tori and that he is stuck in the friend zone with her no matter what he may decide, but putting the scene where they get high right up against his next dream and only describing the voice in the dream as girlish automatically connected the two in my head. I know that the dream girl isn't supposed to be Tori, or at least I don't think she is, but it was a confusing transition at first.

Response to "Dreams and Reality" by Lauren Barkley

This is the story of Luke, a boy from Minnesota who has dreams of playing baseball at Ole Miss and getting a law degree there. His father doesn't approve of his dreams because he thinks Luke needs to stay to take over the family dairy farm. Luke saves his allowance and catches a flight to Mississippi to go to the baseball tryouts. He blows the tryout and goes back home. When he gets there, his father surprises him with some money and his support. In the end it seems that Luke will try to go after his dreams again.
      I really liked the character Luke in the story. He's good at sports and he's got high hopes for his life but he doesn't seem conceited or full of himself. I liked the detail about his glove and his hat being all he had on the plane. It made his isolation at that moment feel very real. I liked also that his father actually changes his mind for the better just as Luke has changed his mind for the worse. It makes for an interesting conflict.
      What I think can be improved is the scene of the baseball tryouts. I wanted to see more struggle and conflict there. Right now it seems like he makes a few mistakes and just gives up. That doesn't seem realistic for how important his dream is. Maybe the coaches belittle him or make fun of him behind his back. That would be interesting and would really crush his hopes and make him want to go back home.

Response to "Casting Shadows" by Jeremy Hare

This is the story of Itami, a girl who died in a house fire, and her experience in the afterlife. She rebels against the powers that be and tries to reclaim her capacity to choose her own route in life (or the afterlife).
      I think that the core concern that Itami has, to choose her destiny, is a good one that many people can identify with. That said, I think that it could be woven into the story more. The first time it's talked about was great but then it kind of trails off in the rest of the story.
      I noticed some tense shifts in the narration while I was reading that made for a little confusion. There were also some points in the dialogue that sounded like they were meant to be narration. I will try to mark them all on my copy. The biggest problem I noticed was at the end, though. Itami says that Kage's sword doesn't pierce her at first, but then we find out it actually did. That was a little confusing

Response to "Cats" by Rhamah Norris

This is a story about a person who works at a cat shelter and a cat there named Lily who is always passed over because she has one eye. When Lily's chance finally comes to be adopted for real, she unexpectedly blows it by scratching the kid who had his fingers in her cage.
      I really liked the descriptions in this story. The setting and the people and animals are all really well imagined and described. The description of the room by all three dimensions went well with the talk of cages, to where the room itself was like a cage for a moment. The well-pressed woman in her well-pressed home was vivid, and the descriptions told us a lot about her and her family's character as well.
      I'd like to see more interaction with Lily at the end. Does she become mean all of the sudden? Will she be mean to her caretakers now? Or does she just not want to be adopted at all? It is an interesting story, and I think those questions being answered would help it.

Response to "Perfect" by Laurel Kostakis

This is a story about a girl in college who is trying to revamp her image and be cooler than she was in high school. She is very sure of herself, but she doesn't see herself for who she really is. In the end, her rejection by the boys from a neighboring apartment forces her to reevaluate herself and reconnect with her old self and her old high school friend.
      I really liked the voice in this story. It was very believable. The things she says seem very realistic even if we don't trust them. Lines like "twerp friends" really show us a lot about the character. We get the picture of a girl who is self-deluded and over-confident. It's funny and entertaining to read and it's nice how we can see her the way other people see her while still hearing her voice. This unreliable narrator works well.
      At the beginning the setting wasn't really established and it was confusing at first. Things get more concrete on page 2. On page 5 I started to think something funny was up with her appearance that she didn't know about. That could be an interesting way to take the story. As it is now, I don't know that the passive rejection she suffers from the guys is enough to change her mind so drastically and so quickly. There needs to be a more devastating rejection to awaken her, I think.

Response to "For the Love of the Game" by Jessica Mullino

This was the story of Lindsey's quest to see her father in person. She has never met him, but he plays baseball and she watches him on TV all the time. She sneaks out to see him play at Wrigley field without telling her mother, but her mother finds out and contacts her father behind her back. She is heartbroken that she came so close to meeting him, but then finds a note from him on her car that says they will meet soon.
      There is a lot about this story that I thought was working well. The descriptions of the baseball game at the beginning are really fantastic. They put you right there on the field with Joel. The hole in the cleat, wiping the sweat off his forehead, just all of it is very real. And the story itself really works for me. It was good and kept me interested throughout. With a few minor details cleared up this could be a great story.
      One thing that needs cleared up is that we have to wait too long to meet the narrator. This is confusing for the reader on those first few pages. Another is that it needs to be clear that the baseball scene we're seeing is the old Mississippi State one and not a present day Cubs one. Things like that kept me guessing as I read and distracted me from the real story, which is quite good on its own. One final detail is just where they live. Apparently Lindsey and her mother live in Chicago. But I thought her mother knew Joel back when he played for Mississippi State since he left to play in the majors. How they both ended up in Chicago after they split up needs to be clarified.

Response to "Losing Sincerity" by Taylor Hardy

This was a story about Brad who is a supervisor at a venue of some sort, and who is struggling with his managerial duties during a sorority social that is overbooked. He is also struggling to establish the dynamics of his newly started relationship with Alyson, who works for him but who is his same age. Most of the tension in the story arises from the overbooked event, but there are also some tense moments between Alyson and Brad.
      I thought the characters in the story were what worked the best. They seemed real and genuine and all of them seemed interesting. The dialogue was at its best when it allowed the characters to shine through. Like the funny line when Connor says, "Well, when it has a stripper theme, I will be your man." and other lines like that. It wasn't just the characters, but also the way they're described. Stephen Sovino (awesome name) was "a foul-mouthed bartender from California", the girl who planned the event looked like she was "attending a [Grateful Dead] show", and the attendees are described as "Jerry Garcia and Widespread Panic fans". These descriptions seem real, they're funny, and they say a lot without saying a lot.
      One of the issues that needs improvement is just the relationship the story has with time. There are a lot of tense shifts from past to present and back. Another one is that I think the story is intended to be more about the relationship between Alyson and Brad and how they each view that relationship, but it ends up being more about the party and how Brad deals with it. Which is fine, and that could be and is an interesting story, but I don't think it's all that this story was supposed to be. I think a way to deal with this is to show us more interactions between Brad and Alyson at work. This would build up that tension. Maybe let the other workers find out about the relationship or suspect it and start asking awkward questions. And let all of this lead up to some sort of confrontation between Alyson and Brad. Some sort of ultimatum where they are each forced to make a decision about where their relationship is going to go.

Response to "The Grind" by Cole Eady

This was a story about Skipper Fischer, a young aspiring writer trying to get a job with a NYC late night show. He is taking the risk to do something bigger with his talent than just working on his fellow students' lame movie attempts. The work environment at the show isn't what he was hoping for, though, and he feels  cheapened and offended by the merging of art with corporate manipulation.
     I liked the character a lot. He seemed realistic and relatable and very well thought out. He was principled and had his ideals, but he was still down to earth and could put things in perspective for the readers. I liked his cynical, no nonsense point of view. My favorite line was, "A room full of middle-aged men deciding what Middle America wants to see late at night." Descriptions like that did a lot to tell us about the character and the way he thinks.
     I like the conflict that arises--Skipper needs a job, but his principles don't align with this kind of work--but I thought that his rejection of the job came too soon and was therefore less realistic than it could have been. He didn't even really have the job yet to be able to quit, so his storming out seemed to carry less weight than it could have. The thing about Donahue asking for the notebook at the end was good, though. And speaking of Donahue, him and Skipper having first names that start with the same letter was a little confusing at first. That would be an easy fix.

Response to "Winter's Chill" by Lauren Barkley

This is a story about Mr. and Mrs. Smart and the dynamics of their relationship. Mr. Smart is an undertaker and he is called out on a snowy night to retrieve a body. Before he leaves he sees a text on his wife's phone that makes him suspect her of being unfaithful. Before his wife can explain anything to him, he is in a fatal car accident.
      I think that this story is very well written overall. I enjoyed the tension that built between the two. I thought it was very realistic and insightful. The reactions and suspicions of Mr. Smith were well done, I thought, as were the brief bits we got of his wife. The dynamics of their relationship seemed very subtly exact and real to me. My favorite line was the description of the black text on the bright cell phone screen. It was a clear image, but the blackness of the text really showed how Mr. Smith felt about it.
      In the first section, the flow of time is a little unclear and hard to follow. The transition from present to past and back needs cleared up, I thought. Also, I'd number the first section the same way you did the second. Finally, there were a couple spots where you told us that a character responded irritably or something similar. I thought that the action itself was sufficient to get that point across.

Response to "Short Story 1" by Adam Smith

This is a story about a girl named Margaret and a lady named Lucy who is xenophobic and a bit of a recluse. Lucy adopts Margaret and tries to raise her to avoid strangers. Margaret inevitably finds a way around her adopted mother's unreasonable restrictions and begins talking to the milk delivery boy. When she goes out to meet him one night she sees a side of him that wasn't there before, and she is persuaded that her mother's fear of strangers is well founded.
      The characters in the story are well imagined and interesting. None of them seemed to me to be flat or stock characters. The setting is also well imagined and displayed, especially since it is a bit of an unfamiliar setting. The conflict built really well up to the end of the story, and kept me entertained as I was reading.
      There are a few problems that could really improve the story if they were corrected. For one, I wish that we were shown more of Lucy's thoughts and motivations. She seems like a closed book at the moment, and sometimes it makes her actions confusing. Second, there are a few places where Margaret is inconsistently referred to as Marguerite. Also, it is never clear exactly how old Margaret is. If it was revealed, then it would help to place us more firmly in her world. Finally, I thought that the conclusion was hasty and that we didn't get much resolution. I don't know whether to believe Margaret in the last line and assume she has changed her mind to agree with her mother, or to distrust her and assume that she said what she knew would make her mother happy.

Response to "Holes Full of Dirt" by Ethan Hightower

This story is about a boy named Jeremy who is new to high school and who has made friends with an older girl named Ashlyn. Jeremy has a crush on Ashlyn, and she drives him home from school every day. One day, she complains about the state of the dirt road that Jeremy lives on and jokes that if the potholes don't get fixed then she will stop driving him home. Jeremy starts to fix the holes immediately, but he gets his dad's truck stuck and his dad has to get the tractor to get it out. Jeremy thought his dad would be angry, but he was understanding and reasonable.
      This story does a good job of setting up the scenes for us and of showing us Jeremy's thought process. The thought process seemed very believable to me because it showed all of Jeremy's uncertainties and self-consciousness. It showed how quickly something like getting the truck stuck can cause a teenager's mood to swing, and how encouragement from a father can swing it back the other way. It showed the logic behind the unreasonable things we will do for love, and I found it realistic. I also thought that the characters were presented well and that they were all interesting, different, and active.
      Improvements I would suggest are as follows. The main conflict is that Ashlyn wants Jeremy to fix the road. But, it's already March, and if she's been driving him home all year, then she wouldn't have taken so long to notice the road's conditions. Also, in the interaction between Ashlyn and Jeremy, there were some reactions that seemed unreal to me. The wincing and the smiling with pain seemed out of place. Also, we don't get the narrator's name until page 6 unless I am mistaken. I'd say we need it sooner. Finally, the end of the story seemed to shift the focus from the Ashlyn-Jeremy relationship to the relationship between Jeremy and his dad. I understand that his dad is necessary to help him get the truck out, but  I think their conversation should point us back to what has been the main theme of the story and not introduce a new one.

Response to "Off" by Aimee Bender

This is the story of a girl who is at a party and trying to meet her night's quota of guys to kiss. She seems to be distressed about something and it seems to be causing her to act this way, but we never find out what might be bothering her.
      The narrative is in first person, so all we get is what the main character gives us. This precludes us from ever getting an objective look at the situation, but we do still get a lot of information about the character. We see her true character in her voice, her actions and reactions, and even in her subjective viewpoint.
      What I really appreciate about this story is that it is very engaging and entertaining without being about something exceptional. Sometimes it's hard to find stories to write, but this just goes to show that everything is a story if you write it right.
      I think what kept me so engaged in this story was the mystery of the main character's motives. We never find out what is driving her to complete this list, why it was this night, what happened. Yet we get glimpses, we see how she responds to her situation, we hear how she sounds as she narrates. Figuring out the character, to me, was the most entertaining part of this story.

Response to "Leaving" by Rhamah Norris

This is a story about two girls, Beth and Kat, who grow up being best friends and then try to move their relationship in a more romantic direction. When, inevitably, one of them (Kat) wants things to take a sexual turn, Beth is uncomfortable with it. Really the story is about Beth. She goes on a journey from being heterosexual by default, to claiming that she's homosexual, to trying to be bisexual, to finding out that she's asexual. The tension created by this last revelation causes their relationship to break down.
      I think that what this story does really well is steering clear of our expectations. It does this on both a large and small scale. On a big scale, it would be easy to let this story be about Beth and Kat's struggle against homophobia and leave it at that, but that is what we'd expect. What ends up happening it that Kat--who we expect to be the open-minded lesbian--is unable to accept Beth for who she is. On a small scale, whenever the narrator (Beth) resorts to a cliched phrase, she points it out, thus silencing our objections. This does a lot for the narrative voice, and it does a lot for Beth's character.
      I have a couple of suggestions for improvements. The biggest inconsistency I noticed is time. We get the video game scene in 5th, the sleepover about a year afterwards, then a week later they kiss, but we're told it's 11th grade. If I'm missing something, then it needs to be made more prevalent in the story. Also, a smaller thing, on page 5 we get a shift to present tense with the line, "I barely keep myself from blurting 'girl.' " These are the main issues that jumped out at me.
      Overall I liked this story. Like I said, it would be easy with this subject matter to go the cliche and expected route. I don't think this story does that and I appreciate it.

Response to "Lessons" by J.J. Nelson

This story is about a young American man travelling on a train in Italy. An old man and his accomplice try to swindle the boy, but he is one step ahead of them. I think that the story is conveying a message that you shouldn't underestimate people. The boy talks about how old people romanticize their youth and forget what it was like. The old man underestimated the boy, who, as he says, is neither blind nor ignorant.
      There is a lot in this story that is working. It builds tension well and conveys it in the right places. As readers we begin to feel uneasy when we hear the creak of the leather. The ending also was very satisfying. It was funny, but it wasn't a simple punch-line. What I love the most, though, is the keen observations the writing makes about everything from tourist-native interaction, to the relationship between the old and the young. I think the story explains both sides well, but that we come out routing for youth over old age.
      My biggest complaint is that I was unclear about how the dialogue was working at first. When the boy answered the old man in Italian, even though the old man (with his accent) obviously asked the question in English, I assumed that the rest of the conversation was essentially a translation from Italian for the readers. Not a big deal except that we get moments later on when the old man is searching for the right word to use. It confused me on the first reading is all. This brings me to my next issue, though. The old man's vocabulary seems to fluctuate. He's fairly eloquent about the boy's "dangerous idea", but he has to search for the word "lessons", among others. I understand that 'lessons' is really what this story turns on, so I would say to dumb down the old man's vocabulary elsewhere. Have him struggle to get abstract points across.
      Overall I think this story was very well done. It seems to tell us just what we need to know, and it tells it well. It was a pleasure to read.

Response to "New Coach" by Lauren Sides

This was a story about a girl named Kaylee on a competitive high school cheerleading team who is hoping for a scholarship from her sport. The team gets a new coach, though, and the guy is a real asshole and a creep to boot. The coach's ridiculous demands land her with a pretty serious injury and threaten to permanently injure her if she keeps giving in. In the end Kaylee decides that her self-respect is more important than being on the cheerleading team with the nazi coach and she walks out on it.
      I think the overall story is one of the things that is working very well here. It was interesting and engaging and really makes you feel like you're there with the character. The characters are interesting as well, and it's not hard to see whose side we're supposed to be on. One thing that can be said about it is that the story is told with a minimum of characters. Really all we get is Alex and Kaylee. Chelsea is there somewhat and so is Kaylee's mom, but even then that's only four characters. I liked that minimalist aspect. Another thing that's working is the specific scenes we get in between the summaries: Alex's first day of practice, the day Kaylee got injured, and the day she quit. All are interesting and well done.
      This brings me to suggestions for improvement. There is a lot of summary in this piece--a lot of telling us what happens without showing us. This story is interesting enough that I think we want to see more scenes. I want to see Kaylee fighting with her mother, I want to see her spiral into an eating disorder, etc. I think it would be more fun for the reader if we are shown things instead of being explicitly told them. Also, the story starts with Kaylee already injured and then goes back. I don't think this is needed and I think it could play out in chronological order (maybe start with the scene of their first coach telling them he's leaving, then move on to the scene of Alex's first practice).

Response to "Mountain Blood" by Cary Bayless

This story was about a guy whose girlfriend was attacked and later died and his recovery from that traumatic event.  The story is about this man's struggle to leave his past behind and get on with his future. More than that, though, it was about friendship and relationships and the connection between past and future. It's appropriate that past and future are opposites, as this story deals with a lot of opposites and seeming opposites. Blood is contrasted with beauty, light with darkness, good with evil, life with death. What we find is that the lines dividing these themes are not as sharp as we might have first thought.
      I thought this was a fantastic story. It was well written from a stylistic standpoint. There were a few nuts and bolts technical issues, but they are quick fixes. Both Chad and Beau are very believable and very likable. The story line is well developed and interesting. The writing manages to convey a wide range of emotions and states of mind and a broad spectrum of themes without going over the top. Places where this stood out to me were the bits about being jello and the effects of the alcohol on the characters. In both places, the descriptions were very real and the writing style seemed appropriate to what was going on. This story was very powerful and moving and it does this, like I said, without going over the top. I think it would be easy to become hung up on the themes themselves when writing about such big themes as these, but this story doesn't do that. It stays grounded in the characters and their specific, individual experiences.
      I have a few suggestions for improvements. There are a few places where there are minor issues with words or punctuation and I think I've marked most of those. There are some places where the descriptions get confusing. These are usually minor. An example is on page 8 at the start of the third to last paragraph. For clarity's sake I think the sentence should begin with "After a few hours of chatter and thought." Another issue is that at the beginning as I was reading I was more worried about what was in his pocket than what was going on. I would say to not withhold the information for so long or to at least give the readers some solid clues. An additional issue is that Chad's reaction when he arrives to the house and finds the police outside seemed too calm and collected to me, or at least what he said seemed too collected. I think it would have been more believable were it more frantic and disjointed.The last suggestion I have is that at some points the police seem to be TV police and not real police. This was especially true with the line, "He couldn't stand happiness so he stole it from others." True as it may be, I feel like it could be put more subtly.

Response to "Dreams" by Jeremy Hare

This story was about a boy named Sora who is asleep in the Karate Club. A girl named Hikari finds him asleep as she is trying to leave and wakes him up. They then have a conversation where Hikari learns that Sora is the boy who always challenges the captain to spar at practice. Sora always loses and Hikari wonders why he continues to challenge the captain. Sora explains that he was once bullied in school and that the captain helped him out. He wanted the captain to teach him to be stronger so he wouldn't have to depend on other people to save him. The captain eventually agreed to help Sora if Sora could beat him in a sparring match. The story ends the next day at practice when Sora and the captain, Ryu, are about to spar.
      I think what is working the best is the storyline. Both characters want something at the beginning--Hikari wants to get home, Sora wants to sleep--but that changes through the story. We eventually find out that Sora really wants to be strong enough to beat the captain, and Hikari stops worrying so much about going home as she becomes more interested in Sora's story. Another thing that I think is working is the inherent irony behind the story. The irony is that Sora is trying to be strong enough to beat Ryu so that Ryu will teach him how to be strong. In essence, Ryu is already doing what Sora wants him to do.
      I think the point of view might be adjusted a bit to work better. As it is, we have a limited third person narrator that sees into Hikari's thoughts but no one else. However, I think the story is really about Sora, so the focus on Hikari is misplaced. Also, there are a couple places where the dialogue seems stiff and unnatural. For example, "What sense does that make?" on page 4. Finally, I think that the story is interesting and the conflict is intriguing, but it could be explored in more depth. Right now, the treatment of it seems superficial.
      Overall, I think the story is well written and interesting but could be improved by some thoughtful revisions.

Dropping Eaves in the Student Center (dialogue exercise)

[disclaimer: I obviously started listening in the middle of a discussion. I have no idea what they're talking about here at the beginning.]

GIRL- That smells so good.

GUY  It's very good. There's apples and... [inaudible]... french toast.

-Okay, this asks for your sex.

What?

-Gender is different from sex.

Oh...

-The next whole test is gonna be over this stuff. I think I'm gonna get something to eat before my next class.

When is it?

-9:30. I was late last time and he saw me walk in... I don't really want anything here though. I feel like I eat at the same places all the time.

Here you can have this.

-Thanks. So I saw Dr. H. yesterday.

Oh I saw her, too!

RED CROSS LADY: Hey, y'all, come see us today, we're on the second floor!

BOTH: Oh, okay, thanks.

GIRL- [inaudible]

GUY  The Red Cross saves lives.

-I can't donate blood because my iron is too low.

You should take some vitamins or something.

-I've been trying to eat better and workout.

Yeah. Sometimes when I burn more calories I eat more calories.

-I've been trying to eat the right stuff, I'm hungry all the time though.

You gotta eat something that's more filling.

-Well, like fiber and stuff is really filling. I mostly just eat a lot of fruits and vegetables though.

Are you trying to lose weight or something?

-Yeah, I've dropped like six pounds.

I've dropped three or four just working out.

-The thing about that is you can workout all you want, but if you don't eat right, it doesn't do any good

[Then I had to go to class.]

Response to "1-900" by Richard Bausch

This story departs from a traditionally storytelling structure in that it is entirely dialogue. There isn't a narrator to give us a setting or a backstory. Anything we know we know through the conversation. This could come across as forced and unnatural, but I don't think it ever does. Bausch manages to give us a lot of depth to the characters just through their conversation.
The story is told from the third person objective point of view, but even that is limited. As I said before, we don't really have a narrator. Even a third person objective narrator would give us a setting, character descriptions, etc. All we have is what the two characters say to each other. The story gets away without even having any dialogue tags because we understand that every paragraph represents the other person speaking. Any pauses in conversation are represented by ellipses.
With this point of view, it is the setup of the story itself that allows us to have so much detail. Since Marilyn/Sharon is just getting to know John, and vice versa, we get the important details about their lives, especially John's. And, as I already said, this high level of detail doesn't ever really feel unnatural.
I think this story serves as a great example of how to write dialogue. Sometimes dialogue comes across as too wordy and unnatural and doesn't seem real. Bausch's story seems very real to the point that we forget that we're reading a story. If I could write dialogue as natural and as real as Bausch does then I would be very happy.

Response to "Emergency" by Denis Johnson

While reading this story, I couldn't help but be reminded of Hunter S. Thompson. The drugs, the surreal imagery, and the unpredictable characters all helped make that connection. If I was to sum up this story in one word it would be unexpected. I think that's a great thing for a piece of writing. It means that it isn't cliché in the least. It means that the writing is never boring. I never for a moment asked myself why I was reading this story: I was too caught up in it to care.
Another great aspect of the story was the imagery.  Both the images themselves and the language used to describe them are captivating. My favorite surreal image was that of the angels descending over the graveyard. Only they weren't angels. And it wasn't a graveyard. That's the fantastic thing about it--they don't have to be real. We can't really trust our narrator, but it doesn't matter. He gives us his own version of reality. I think it's entertaining.
It's not just the narrator we can't trust, though. For my part, I wouldn't trust Georgie. But, the way Johnson has written him, I like him. Both of the characters seem very likable despite their dangerous antics.
As far as lessons for my own writing go, I think there are many things to take away. Johnson is an expert at manipulating the tension and keeping us on the edge of our seats. He's an expert at getting a reaction out of us--when Georgie came in from prepping with the knife in his hand I actually gasped. I guess my main takeaway would be just keep it interesting. Don't let the readers get complacent and bored. Keep them guessing. Keep them entertained. As always, that's easier said than done.

Sitcom (Short-Short Exercise)

The sun was falling behind the line of trees in the west when Dad came inside and took his boots off.  I laid down my book down on the couch and got up to turn on the light. Dad came into the living room and sat down in the chair with a sigh. He kicked up his feet then reached for the remote and turned on the TV. I went back to reading. He looked at me then back at the TV. I saw him look but I kept reading. The sitcom audience laughed from the TV. When the commercials came he spoke. He asked about my day and I asked about his. The show came back on and he went back to watching it. I found my place in my book. When the commercials came back Dad asked about Mom. The question was harmless. A simple inquiry. It made me angry. I slammed my book on the couch. Dad sat up and put his feet on the floor. Our voices raised to drown out the television’s laughter. Volume never turned down. I stood up and he stood up. We both shouted and flung our arms in the air. I called him an unsympathetic asshole. He didn’t call me anything. I grabbed my book and my coat and stormed out to my car. Dad watched me spin rocks out of the driveway. As my tires squealed onto the highway he sat down and grabbed the remote. Then he turned the TV off.

Response to "Television" by Lydia Davis

I don't think this short story so much tells a story (in the traditional, narrative sense) as it shows us a characterization.  Outside of the narrator there really aren't any other characters.  The narrator's mother and husband are mentioned but we are given virtually no details about them.  In fact, the only people that are named and detailed are characters and actors on television.  The effect this has is a sense of alienation and disenchantment.  It creates the feeling that the only things important and worth focusing on can be found on TV, between the commercial breaks.
I think, in a way, that the point of view Davis uses makes the story into a sort of commentary on modern life.  Not necessarily the way it is, or the way it has to be, but the way it feels sometimes.  As she says, "It is not what you want to be doing.  It is that you are passing the time."  The story becomes a story about finding a deeper meaning in such a superficial world, albiet in a roundabout way.

Departing from the style of the writing to take a look at the structure, the main thing to notice is that the story is divided into three numbered sections.  In section 1 she talks about television in general and our relationship with it.  In 2 she talks about certain shows in particular.  And in section 3 she discusses movies and our relationship to them.  I think the sections are basically variations on a theme--looking at the issue from multiple points of view.
Another note about the structure is to look at the breaks between the paragraphs.  In sections 1 and 3 the paragraphs are single spaced, signifying that the sections each present a coherent narrative.  In section 2, however, the spaces between most paragraphs are doubled, showing a disconnect--a series of unrelated observations almost.  I think section 2 does an especially good job of creating a mood because it really feels like you are flipping mindlessly through the channels as you are reading.